Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Gonna Make You Sweat

To anyone reading from a screen in Queensland, I am going to state the bleeding obvious: it’s hot. No sooner had we entered the month of December and the news services were reporting a heat wave and predicting little relief in sight. They’ve spoken of how the very young and the very old are particularly susceptible to heat related medical conditions such as dehydration and heat stroke, which they tell us can be fatal (Gulp. That’s a gulp of water). In one interview, the head of the AMAQ explained the role of sweating in the body’s cooling system. The doctor elaborated in the context of the 65% humidity we’re experiencing along with the 33°C temperatures. Apparently when it’s this humid it makes it difficult for sweat to dry on the skin, which is ultimately what cools the body down. The upshot is that you go around impersonating a warm malodorous puddle, such as you see in the picture above left. I call it ‘Self-portrait with Sweat’. You are so lucky that smell-o-vision hasn’t been perfected. I had just had a shower and against all odds applied some make-up. The greatest exertion I had undertaken after that was to ensure my system for producing enough chilled water was operating at maximum capacity—it’s quite simple really, every container capable of holding water is filled and placed in my fridge and put into an exacting rotation from most cold to warm, straight from the tap. If filling up a few bottles of water produces such an onslaught of bodily emissions, I’m sure you don’t want me to describe what happened when I walked to the bus stop... Just let me say that an antiperspirant that can withstand this weather has not been invented; and really, what’s the point in these conditions of only addressing the underarm area? ‘Ooh, yer underarms smell nice! Too bad the rest of you is so woofy!’

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